Archive | January, 2011

5 Years From Now

31 Jan

The clock is ticking. Graduation is coming. New life for us. New experiences and new challenges to over come.

I never see it coming. Living with my own after graduation. Leaving the safe corners of our classroom. Parting ways with the best people I’ve met in my life, my college friends.

Thinking about all of the bad things that happened to me way back from freshman year to first semester of senior year makes me happy because finally, after four years of hard work, I will be able to give my diploma to my Mom. No more stressful days and sleepless nights. No more exams, return demonstration, thesis, projects et cetera. Those are the things students don’t want in their life. We all want to get rid of those things. Those things only ruin our remaining days in college.

But also makes me sad. Really sad. Sometimes, it makes me wanna cry. My last two years in college are the best moments I have. I have the best section, the best group, the best friends in the whole wide universe. Graduating means, we have to part ways. We have to go back to our home. After graduation, no more sleep-over’s at friend’s house. No more out of towns. No more parties. No more manicure – pedicure. No more movie dates. No more dinners. No more drink-all-you-can marathon. No more DVD marathon. No more happiness with them. No more time with them. No more things we used to do.

It’s killing me. They are like my siblings. We’re like a one big happy family. Our section are inseparable. Now, we have to go to our own path, do we still have time for each other? Can we still do the things we used to do??

After 5 years, can they still remember our happy moments? Do we still have communication?

……Can they still remember me? 😦

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If This Isn’t Love, Then What Is It?

30 Jan

I had a guy friend. We always teased each other. We always hang around in school. We ate lunch together sometimes. We fooled arounf

We’re not really close at first but I’d known him for almost 4 years. I met him when I enrolled in our school. We’re both part-scholar. After 2 years, we became classmates but he couldn’t remember me. Ouch! One reason was I was fat now and I was skinny way back in 2007. Still, we’re not close at that time. Junior years and we became classmates again. And now that we’re seniors, we’re still classmates.

Time went by, we eventually became friends. And now, he’s one of my closest friends in our class. As I’ve said, we always teased each other to the point that sometimes I would tell him that I had a crush on him. Though that’s not true. He’s always telling me that if I became thin again, he would ask me to be his girlfriend. I believed that that statement’s also a joke.

So our class had our duty in Lipa, Batangas for two weeks. His group and my group lived in one dormitory. Every morning, I went to their room to have chat with him and my other friends. But things had changed this time. When I told him again that I liked him, I knew in my heart that’s not a joke. I knew I mean those words. And when he told me he liked me too I wished that what he said was true and not a joke. I couldn’t look straight into his eyes. I was afraid he would know that my feelings for him was starting to develop into something deeper. On our last day in Batangas, we played cards ’til the wee hours of the morning. I slept on their room. I was shocked when he told me he was going to sleep beside me. I thought he didn’t mean it because there were still three spare beds. But I was wrong. He really slept beside me. We slept in the same bed. I couldn’t face him. I didn’t know what to do.

I don’t know if our feelings our mutual. I don’t know if I’m falling for him. I don’t know if his jokes are half meant. But one thing is for sure, I know this isn’t right.

Can You Keep A Secret?

25 Jan

I just finished reading Sophie Kinsela’s Can You Keep A Secret last week. It’s kinda funny and I like the story. It reminds me of my secrets I don’t want others to know. Secrets I’d rather keep to myself than tell anyone. I have a lot of secrets. Secrets that I know others can’t keep to theirselves. I’m not saying I don’t trust people because that’s not true. I trust people easily but when it comes to secrets, i just don’t feel like telling it to others. That’s why my friend, Patrick*, told me I was a deep person.

I am not going to tell my secrets here. Cause you’re just going to laugh at me or pity me. I’m going to tell here one big secret that makes me proud of myself. I mean, just like Emma(the narrator of the book), a stranger told me her secret. She’s not really a stranger, but she’s my professor way back in high school. She told me a secret that only her close friends and family know. I, a stranger to her, know something that can change her life if I told it someone else. But that’s not me, I’m not going to tell it to anyone. I’ll tell her secret in here but I will not tell who she is, where she lives and any other details about her.

She told me something about her family. She couldn’t bear a child because her husband is infertile. They decided to adopt a child because they really wanted to have one. The big secret in here? Her son doesn’t know that he’s adopted.

So that’s it. That’s her secret. I don’t know why she told me about that. but it makes me proud that someone like her trsuts me. She told a secret of her family and like I said, can change their lives.

I’m good in keeping other people’s secret. I know a lot of secrets of my friends, family, etc. but this secret is someone that makes me feel I am worth trusting. 🙂

Stalker

25 Jan

So, I read my friend’s blog again. Arggg. I’m such a stalker. I hate myself for reading her private thoughts again. Sorry, but I can’t help myself.

Her blog says about her feelings for this guy again. The guy that she likes and the same guy that I like.(If you read my post, “Friend or Fiend”, you will know the story behind this).

I thought, I’m the only one who always ask signs if that guy and me will be lovers in the future. Honestly I asked for three signs and the results of those signs were telling me that we can be together. That we can be lovers in the future. I am happy. To tell you the truth, I don’t love him but I really really like him.

But then again, I read my friend’s blog and she asked for a sign if there will come a time that what they have before will come back again. The same feelings and the same old them. And guess what, the sign she’s asking for also says that their will have their “time” again.

Is fate making fool of us??? I don’t know if I will ask another sign. I don’t think I will believe on signs again. I mean what if they will be together? We’re friends and that means, you can never date your friend’s ex-boyfriend/lover. That’s one of the golden rules of friendship.

I want my friend to be happy but I also want to be happy.

I don’t want to read her blog again but I want to know her inner thought. Because she never told me a single feeling she have for him.

The situation is so complicated. There are things we wish that might not come true. Things that may change because of him. Because of her. And because of me. I don’t know. I really don’t know what to do. 😦

My Dream Job

25 Jan

At the age of 19, I am now a fourth year college student. April is coming and that’s the time I’m going to get my diploma and tell the whole world, “Hey, I am no more a student! I am now a Nursing graduate!” And then at July, I’ll take the board exam and hopefully I’ll pass it so I can be a professional nurse.

After 4 years of hard work, sleepless nights, big eye bags, haggard days, happy-go-lucky moments, sleep-overs at friends’ house and crying times because of school, friends and love, I can’t believe I am going in front of a huge crowd getting my bachelor’s degree diploma. And in a few months, hopefully, I will get a job. But, you know what? I never imagine myself working in a hospital wearing white uniform and caring for people whom I don’t know. Well, I love taking take of people but nursing is not my dream job. It’s not my forte. And whenever I’m in the hospital, I don’t feel this is the right job for me. I am not happy.

Ever since a kid, Math is my favorite subject. My relatives always tell me, I’m the only Math Wizard in the family. Whenever I take IQ test, I’ve got superior grade in Math. That’s the reason why I tell myself I will become an accountant or an engineer. I set my mind with it. I imagine myself working in an office.

I was in third year high school when I told my mom I want to become an accountant. You want to know her response? She told me, “Anne, you can NEVER be a CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT.” I was speechless. Every night I cry because I thought she’s going to support me with everything. She, my own mother, is the one who take away my last hope of getting my dream job. Until now, it hurts me and it makes me cry whenever I remember that.

Whenever I take admission exam, I always put Accountancy as my first choice of course and Nursing as my second choice because that’s what my Mom wants. I got accepted in a prestigious university in Manila and I became a part-scholar. I was allowed to take whatever bachelor’s degree I want. I was ecstatic because I thought my mom will let me choose what course I want to take. Here comes the enrollment, we were at the registrar and the staff asked us what course I’m going to enroll. I was going to say Accountancy when my mom interrupted me and told the staff “NURSING.” Her decision for my future.

Four years, I thought I’m going to love this course but still, my heart is for Math. I still want to be an accountant. I still imagine myself working in an office not in a hospital. I foresee myself wearing corporate attire not white uniform. I’m in front of the computer and computing the credits and liabilities of the corporation and not computing the IV regulation of the patient.

I’m still thankful for my mom for supporting me financially with my studies but if she just let make my own decisions for my own future, maybe I am happy now. 😦

Friend or Fiend?

16 Jan

I like someone. I mean I really like him soo much that I intend not to tell anyone in our class about it. Until one time I told my groupmate that I like him then my closest friend in our room then my groupmates then my one of our classmates again. So only a few of our class knew about it.

The reason why I didn’t want to tell anyone/only a few know about it was because I didn’t want people to tease us. It would just make me feel anxious and awkward around him. I mean we’re not even close and we barely talk. And also the primary reason was my friend(one my closest friends) and him were an item. And I didn’t want to ruin what they had because of my stupid feelings for him. You know, friendship is more important than boys. I never told my friend about it. So time passed. They weren’t an item anymore. He liked one of my classmates though. Almost one year had passed and then I confessed to her that I liked him. I mean I like him because I still like him up to now. I told her the reason why I only told her that day. She said that’s okay with her because she didn’t even care about him and she didn’t like anymore.

Then, it’s our Christmas Party and one of our classmates teases us and the whole sections knows about what I have for him. And guess what, they even made a fan club for us. So this friend of mine, who “used to like him” told me that she’s our number one fan. Whenever we talk, he’s always our favorite subject. I tell her every single detail of what I feel for him. Though it’s only a crush and nothing deeper than that.

Until, I read her blog. I read every single word of it and I try to comprehend it because I can not fully understand why she wrote that blog. She knows that I know her blog site and I’m going to read it sooner or later. It says there that he still likes him. That until now, she regrets the time that had passed when they still had their “time”. She also wrote that she’s going to regret it forever. Not necessarily forever.

When I read that, I feel stupid. Stupid for telling her about him. Stupid for not being sensitive enough of her feelings. But how will I know it? She seems to be so happy listening to my endless stories about him. She even asks questions. And let me tell you this, everyday, she always tell me that SHE DOESN’T LIKE HIM ANYMORE. That past is past.

I want to talk to her about this but I’m afraid this will affect our friendship.

Should I tell her her or let things settle as time goes by?

First Gift

15 Jan

This is the gift I’ve ever received this 2011. Anne gave it to me yesterday. I don’t know why she gave me a present. She even had a letter on the back page. I promised her I will read it though it has almost 900 pages. She’s soooo sweet to give a present on an ordinary day just because…:)

It’s the little things that count, right?