one Last Thought Before Sleeping

19 Dec

Okay this week was all about my suicide. You knew that my uncle slapped my face and told me he’s going to kill me. And then my auntie, the one who raised me up told me to get lost and just kill myself. I felt lost. I felt like no one loves me. I went to the beach. I though the waves gonna drown me. Then after that, I went to different stores to buy blade but they told they didn’t had one. Yes, I’m gonna use it to slash my carotid artery so I would die for sure. My friend saw me and tried to stop me from buying that thing. Then we went to my cousin’s house. We talked; me, my friend, my former tutor and my cousin’s husband. I was crying the whole. All I’d ever wanted was to kill myself and end my sufferings. I’m tried of this. No one really loves me. I don’t have a job to support my needs. I even sent messages to some of my friends saying thank you for the memories. And then, my friend Ryan Called me. He said that don’t do what I’m planning to do. Then our group, Ryan, Brent, Kim and Isay tweeted me that they’re giving me some money to help me start a new life. They know that I only have a few bucks in my pocket. Then I asked for my Ninang Beth. She said she’s going to send money next week after her hectic work. And my lesbian cousin’s girlfriend will also send me a little amount of money and will endorse me on her first job. My bestfriend Erlich asked if I want to stay with them then work at their mangi business. My former room mate Ate Arianne told me that she’s going to Bataan to take care of me or if I want, she’s going to send some money.And most of all, my Ninang Ofel told me that she never had a daughter and that maybe I’m the one she’s looking for. Well, I thank them for the help. But right now, all I want is Mom’s Forgiveness. Or maybe, I’ll attempt suicide again.

PS. My cousin whom I told you before who always neglect her children because of another guy, well, I found out that my things are outside their house. I do not live in their house now But I’m sleeping at one of my cousin’s house now. I don’t know where to go sleep next with my 220 pesos.

Maybe what I need to do now is sleep because people are talking that it feels like I don’t sleep at all.

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