Yesterday’s Christmas and I was with my Ninang’s family. Not so happy though ’cause I didn’t know most of the people there. So let’s not just talk about how I spent my Christmas.
Today, I went to Pasay, at my Uncle’s place. My cousin/Ninong wanted me to go here so he could give his gift to me. But I still had to go to his place in Makati later to get it.
The real story about this blog was when I went to a clinic to have a check-up. (I still have the stitches from that incident). I went to a clinic near my Uncle’s place to finally removed my stitches. Of course, the doctor asked the story about my slashed-wrist incident. We talked about it, I cried, told her I couldn’t remember some things (she said I might have a selective amnesia/memory loss or post-traumatic amnesis/memory loss of what happened). Honestly, I couldn’t remember writing some of the blog post I’d written these past few days. The pictures of what happened to me was one of those things I couldn’t remember. There’s also an incident that I was in the beach, trying to drown myself. I didn’t know how I got there. So amnesia is true? Instead of just removing my stitches, she became a counselor. She told me that it’s miracle that I was still alive right now. Really, I should be dead right now but here I am, still alive. The first time I committed suicide, all my laboratory results were normal. And the second time, I took 27 tablets of Clonazepam and I slashed my wrist. I wasn’t hospitalized or even had a gastric lavage. They just stitched my wrist and that’s it. I lost more than 150 ml of blood plus with 27 tablets of Clonazepam, I should be in coma right now. It’s really a miracle. Maybe God really loves me and maybe I haven’t fulfilled my purpose in Earth. She told me that the first step to healing was to accept myself for who I am. I should also remember that there’s always someone out there who loves me. And I should love life.
She told me to be a strong person. Well, everyone said that I should be one.
But it’s hard to be one. I feel so weak or is it just in my mind? Maybe I should tell myself to be a strong person. That’s the only way to face my life challenges, right.
So Anne, you have to be strong, okay? Promise, yourself. Please, promise yourself.
PS: I have made one of the hardest decision in my life. I’ll tell you…
Soon.
I am Ms. Brightside 
Hi Anne, I’m sorry to hear you have been struggling. It’s so easy to get caught up in how everyone else reacts and feels about us that we forget what we really know. You love God, yes? He loves you. You are valuable, precious, and you are right – He does have a plan for you. Even on the days when you feel like no one understands, know that you are loved!
Hi Christine. Don’t be sorry about me. Yes, I love God ’cause He loves me. And His love is the reason I am still alive. Thank you for telling me that I’m a valuable and precious person. In the days like this, words like that make me feel strong. Thank you.