2011 is almost over. A year that will always have a place in my heart. It consists of bittersweet memories. A year that may changed life forever. A year that I have to say good bye now. This year has a lot of memories. Happy days. Sad moments. The most challenging year of my life.
One of the best memories I have this year is when I finished my Bachelor’s degree. I am now a graduate of Bachelor of Nursing but I have decided not to take the board exam because it’s not something I have dreamed of. I cannot see myself working in a hospital. I love being a nurse. I love helping people who are sick. I love putting smile on my patient’s face. But it’s not meant for me. I am proud of the nurses around the world because they have one of the hardest jobs on earth. And I am proud of myself because I become a student nurse in my lifetime.
Another memories worth remembering this year is when I have my vacation in Boracay and Nueva Ecija. It’s been my dream to explore the beauty of the Philippines and of course to travel the world. And it’s special ’cause I’m with my friends. I am at the weakest point of my life when I go to those two places. At least, for a short period of time, I forget my problems and just enjoy life with my friends, with nature and with God.
Before the year ends, I have met a lot of amazing people from WordPress. People who give me hope. You know who you are and I will always be thankful for those people.
And most of all, the best thing that happened to me this year is when Keanu, my shih tzu, came into my life. He always brings joy to me. He never leaves me. He knows when I am lonely and sad. He looks at me whenever I am crying as if he’s telling me everything will be alright. That he’s there for me no matter what happens. He’s my baby. He’s my little brother. He’s just a dog but he gives meaning in my life.
But life is not always being happy. We have ups and downs. Life can be so unfair most of the time. This year, my uncle, the only person in this world who always tell me that he’s proud of me, died. He’s one of the best people in my life and yet he left us here. I remember his proud face when I graduated. The times when he talks to me. The times when he tells me I am one of the most intelligent people in our family. He will always stay in my heart and mind.
Aside from my uncle’s death, a lot of problems arise this year. Problems in our family. It is all because of money. The reason of our family war. The reason of my depression. The reason why I’ve decided to end my life. Not once but twice. It’s hard to decide on my life’s fate. The medicines I have taken, the blade, the cigarette, they are all part of my life. This is my darkest year. It’s hard to have a mental illness like mine. It’s hard when you don’t have support from your family. And most of all, it’s so hard when people judge you for what you’ve done. They think you have a disease like tuberculosis, HIV or any disease that can be contagious. They don’t want you to be near them. And they will spread gossips that you are crazy.
My life in 2011 maybe worse or much better than other people. We can’t tell. It is based on other people’s perception. But in this year, God has given me two chances to live. I can’t promise that I will not commit suicide again. Promises are made to broken, right? But what I want now is to forget all of the bad things that happened to me. It’s not easy but I’ll try my best. I want to start a new beginning. I want to forgive those people who hurt me. I want to have work. I want to travel the world. I want my dreams to come to life. I want my life to be normal. I want to be a strong person.
As I’ve said, it’s not easy but I’ll do my best to make it possible.
Say hello to 2012 and good bye to 2011.
Happy New Year everyone.
I am Ms. Brightside 
Happy New Year Anne,
One thing about New Year is it’s just that; a new year and we celebrate saying good bye to the old year. It is the time to put the bad events behind us, learn from them and move on and create new memories.
You sounds like a very intelligent and sensitive girl and I am so happy you are getting help to deal with whatever demons haunt your mind and heart. Because then you can move forward in this coming year.
I don’t know what the new year will hold for you but I have a feeling in my gut that its going to be a whole new exciting beginning for you and you will find happiness.
I am proud of you for seeking the help you need. I can’t wait to see and hear about your life.
Happy New Year!
Carrie
Hi Ms. Carrie. Happy New Year from the Philippines. New Year means new life. And I hope this year, I’ll find what I’ve been looking for. Acceptance. Support. Care. Love. Forgiveness.
Have a wonderful year ahead of you.
Anne 🙂
“It’s hard when you don’t have support from your family. And most of all, it’s so hard when people judge you for what you’ve done. They think you have a disease like tuberculosis, HIV or any disease that can be contagious. They don’t want you to be near them. And they will spread gossips that you are crazy.”
Anne, Albeit our issues are different, they are also the same. I quoted this part of your post because this is painful for me to read. I understand. I have lost any so called friends and family members from my life because of my chronic illness. It’s true that some believe they will get sick from me.
May I suggest some light reading? On my blog under the Pages category is a post called The Spoon Theory. I did not write it but it’s something I have been giving copies to those who claim to want to support me but are struggling.
Maybe it will help give someone perspective.
I am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend anyone by that statement. Much more hurt anyone. As a nurse, I’ve seen a lot of people like you who suffer from chronic illness. I know it’s hard. I also have a cousin who suffer from illness.
Sure I’ll read The Spoon Theory.
Happy New Year to you and may you have a wonderful year this 2012.