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I, My Mom and My Aunt

29 Jul

Something happened this afternoon. Something that couldn’t be easily forgotten.

My uncle came to our house. I thought he went to scold me. He knew that my mom and I were not in good terms and until now we’re not talking to each other. He asked me how I’ve been. I was just about to open my mouth to answer his question when his phone rung. My mom’s calling. She wanted to talk to me. So we talked and of course, as usual, she’s mad. No yelling but you could feel that she’s really mad and hurt. Here’s what we talked about; SHE DOESN’T WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN!!! Of course, “I was” and “I am” hurt by what she said. She’s my mother and she’s the only one I’ve got. I am an only child and my dad’s with his own family now. She also said that after three months, she’s not going to give me money. It’s my fault by the way because I insisted that I wouldn’t take the Nursing Licensure Exam because this’s something that I never dreamt of becoming. I also told her that I would find a job so I could study again(I want to be an engineer or an accountant). She decided that she would give me three months to find a job and after that we should forget each other. She also told me that I should live on my own, meaning, I wasn’t allowed to stay at my aunt’s house in Manila when I already have a job. She asked me to give our house keys to my uncle. She didn’t want me to stay in our house either.

After our little but heartbreaking chat, my aunt(my uncle’s wife) confronted me. I wasn’t aware that she’s with my uncle. She asked me what my problem is and that I could tell her everything. No one ever spoke to me like that in my family. I could see the sincerity and concern in her eyes. I was crying while telling her my problem and frustrations in life. They made me feel that I wasn’t alone. That I could rely on her. And when she stated these words, “Ano pa ba ang problema mo bukod kay mommy mo? Pwede mo sabihin sa amin ni tatay boy mo. Anak na rin ang tingin namin sa’yo Anne, nandito lang kami. Di ka namin papabayaan. ” It felt like God sent them(my aunt and uncle) from above to talk to me. They told me that everything would be back to normal and I could confide on them. I was touched. Never in my life someone made me feel special.

They already went home but still my tears kept falling. I thanked them for coming over. At least now, I know someone who still cares about me.

Thank you Nanay and Tatay. I just hope you’ll never give up on me like what my Mom did.


28 Jul

Earphones on. Music on full blast. —— That’s what I do whenever I feel sad and lonely.

These past few days are the worst days of my life. I feel so alone in this place called “Earth”. I feel like no one really cares about me. I’ve been crying for so many days and nights. Every minute, I’m checking my phone if I have a new message. But hey, no one ever bothers to phone me. What makes me sadder right now is that I have a big big big problem with my family. And I want to tell it to my friends but where are they??? Do I really have one?

And now, all I can do is listen to music, cry and write all my feelings here so everyone can read it.

My Dream Job

25 Jan

At the age of 19, I am now a fourth year college student. April is coming and that’s the time I’m going to get my diploma and tell the whole world, “Hey, I am no more a student! I am now a Nursing graduate!” And then at July, I’ll take the board exam and hopefully I’ll pass it so I can be a professional nurse.

After 4 years of hard work, sleepless nights, big eye bags, haggard days, happy-go-lucky moments, sleep-overs at friends’ house and crying times because of school, friends and love, I can’t believe I am going in front of a huge crowd getting my bachelor’s degree diploma. And in a few months, hopefully, I will get a job. But, you know what? I never imagine myself working in a hospital wearing white uniform and caring for people whom I don’t know. Well, I love taking take of people but nursing is not my dream job. It’s not my forte. And whenever I’m in the hospital, I don’t feel this is the right job for me. I am not happy.

Ever since a kid, Math is my favorite subject. My relatives always tell me, I’m the only Math Wizard in the family. Whenever I take IQ test, I’ve got superior grade in Math. That’s the reason why I tell myself I will become an accountant or an engineer. I set my mind with it. I imagine myself working in an office.

I was in third year high school when I told my mom I want to become an accountant. You want to know her response? She told me, “Anne, you can NEVER be a CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT.” I was speechless. Every night I cry because I thought she’s going to support me with everything. She, my own mother, is the one who take away my last hope of getting my dream job. Until now, it hurts me and it makes me cry whenever I remember that.

Whenever I take admission exam, I always put Accountancy as my first choice of course and Nursing as my second choice because that’s what my Mom wants. I got accepted in a prestigious university in Manila and I became a part-scholar. I was allowed to take whatever bachelor’s degree I want. I was ecstatic because I thought my mom will let me choose what course I want to take. Here comes the enrollment, we were at the registrar and the staff asked us what course I’m going to enroll. I was going to say Accountancy when my mom interrupted me and told the staff “NURSING.” Her decision for my future.

Four years, I thought I’m going to love this course but still, my heart is for Math. I still want to be an accountant. I still imagine myself working in an office not in a hospital. I foresee myself wearing corporate attire not white uniform. I’m in front of the computer and computing the credits and liabilities of the corporation and not computing the IV regulation of the patient.

I’m still thankful for my mom for supporting me financially with my studies but if she just let make my own decisions for my own future, maybe I am happy now. 😦