Tag Archives: friends

A Day with my Friend and Other Stuff

8 Jan

It’s been a long, busy and happy day for me. After weeks of staying with different families and not going outside their homes, finally, I was able to go Manila to again to meet my friend. It took me awhile before my mom finally agreed to this, seeing my college friend, Erlich.

I had to leave Bataan at 8 am this morning because the travel time from Bataan to Manila is 3 hours(traffic excluded). I arrived at 11am. Pretty early ’cause we agreed to meet at 12noon or 1pm. While waiting for her, I strolled around the mall and looked for books. But then, instead of buying books, I bought this one; Slate 2012 Planner!!!

Slate 2012 Planner

Artistic pages for those who love ARTS!


Map of the Philippines. I can shade or color the spaces of places I've been to. 🙂 Great for travelers.


There's a page for your ULTIMATE BUCKET LIST!

It is simple but I still love it. It is available in Fullybooked branches. 🙂

At 1pm, I was already with Erlich, her boyfriend(Jeremy) and her sister(Erica) and brother(Brando). We ate at Steak House. We laughed, talked about things (of course the story behind the you-know-what-already). At 3:40, we watched Alvin and the Chipmunks 3. I had to tell you something. I haven’t watched the first two movies of the Alvin and the Chipmunks. But that didn’t stopped from enjoying the movie. It was hilarious. The whole cinema were laughing so hard. Alvin was such a brat, funny chipmunk!!!! Hahaha. 😀 We also went to Timezone. We played different games. It was fun. Really. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d played in an amusement park and the last time I’d watched a movie with a friend. Yes, seriously. The last two movies I’d watched in the cinema, I was alone. And that was 6 months ago??? We ate goto and batchoy for dinner.

The only thing that I regret was, tan tanan!!! I’VE FORGOTTEN TO TAKE PICTURES. Why am I such a fool?? Well, the reason I’ve forgotten about my camera is, I am busy being happy. I am busy enjoying every single moment I’m with those people. I don’t know how many months before I’ll see them again. I don’t know when is the next time I’m going to smile and laugh like this again. For me, what matters most is that I’m happy. Right???

~~~~~~~~

I know I’ve promised to post the recipients of the Candle Lighter Award but guys, I have to break that promise. I am sorry. As I’ve said, I’m busy today ’cause I’m with my friends. And I am too lazy to check every single blog that I am following here in WordPress. Look, I’m only using my phone and the font is so smaaaaaall. I have a poor eyesight and I don’t have my glasses with me. I’m really sorry. Tomorrow’s going to be a busy day, too. I have to go back to Bataan early in the morning and I have to buy a lot of things needed in the rehabilitation facility. And in the evening, I have to pack my things for Tuesday. And in Tuesday, I have to leave my phone at home. *sob* 😦 . But I’ll try to say goodbye to all of you tomorrow or on Tuesday.

About the nomination, I’ll post it when I get back, okay??

The Reason Why I Am Leaving

4 Jan

January 10. Tuesday. The date that may changed my life forever.

A lot of my friends are asking where I am going. I can’t tell them. My mom and I agreed that only a few people should know about my decision. She’s afraid that people will judge me again. Of course, they will. So I’ve told only a few people about this; my best friend (Erlich), my college room mate (Ate Arianne), and some WordPress people.

But now I’ll tell all of you the reason why I am leaving. The place where I am going. But promise me, you have to keep it a secret. Especially to some of my friends who know this blog site of mine. If you happen to read this, please don’t tell anyone.

This is it. I am going in a rehabilitation center/mental institution. Surprise. Surprise. Again, please don’t judge me. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I’ve think about it not just twice but a couple of times before I’ve finally agreed to this. But I guess, this is the smartest thing to do. I’m not sure of myself. Sometimes, when I am alone, when I’m sad, I still think of killing myself. What if I did it again and then I ended up dead? it will just break my mother’s heart. And I don’t wanna leave her. Now that I know how much she loves me. I don’t wanna hurt her again. I’m her only child and she’s my only parent. No one will take care of her when she’s old and sick. I am the only person she can count on. I am doing this not just for me, but for her. I love my mom so much that now, thinking of leaving her breaks my heart. So I have to do this. I need to do this. It’s hard leaving all of my possessions behind. A life without internet, phones and television. A place where you know no one. A room full of strangers who has mental illness. Depressed and suicidal like me. I don’t know how long will it take before I’ll be home again. A month, a couple of months or maybe a year. I really don’t know. It’s also hard for my mom; her only daughter will be living like a prisoner in a rehabilitation center.

I still don’t know the name and exact address of the facility but it is owned by my psychiatrist. My mom has to extend her work contract because of this. She’s going to spend 20000 to 40000 php (500 to 1000 USD) a month for my rehabilitation. I know my father’s not going to help her with the expenses. Knowing he has a daughter with mental disorder, he’ll just think of me as a disgrace in his family. To think that I am also his illegitimate daughter. And I am using his surname. In his head, I know he’s saying these words, “WHAT A SHAME!” But, I’m still hoping that he cares for me. He’s still my father, right?

The rehabilitation center is located near our place. Somewhere in Pilar, Bataan but I’ve said, I don’t know the exact address. Most of the patients there are drug addicts because it is primarily a drug rehabilitation center but there’s still room for people like me. They have patients like me. I’m not expecting any visitors ’cause only a few people know about it. I just hope I’ll see my friends before I leave. I’m gonna miss them. And it’s hard when you don’t get any updates from the outside world. As if I am living in Big Brother’s house.

I hope that my stay there will heal my heart and clear my mind. I hope that when I get back, I am a better person.

2011 — A Year To Remember

31 Dec

2011 is almost over. A year that will always have a place in my heart. It consists of bittersweet memories. A year that may changed life forever. A year that I have to say good bye now. This year has a lot of memories. Happy days. Sad moments. The most challenging year of my life.

One of the best memories I have this year is when I finished my Bachelor’s degree. I am now a graduate of Bachelor of Nursing but I have decided not to take the board exam because it’s not something I have dreamed of. I cannot see myself working in a hospital. I love being a nurse. I love helping people who are sick. I love putting smile on my patient’s face. But it’s not meant for me. I am proud of the nurses around the world because they have one of the hardest jobs on earth. And I am proud of myself because I become a student nurse in my lifetime.

Another memories worth remembering this year is when I have my vacation in Boracay and Nueva Ecija. It’s been my dream to explore the beauty of the Philippines and of course to travel the world. And it’s special ’cause I’m with my friends. I am at the weakest point of my life when I go to those two places. At least, for a short period of time, I forget my problems and just enjoy life with my friends, with nature and with God.

Before the year ends, I have met a lot of amazing people from WordPress. People who give me hope. You know who you are and I will always be thankful for those people.

And most of all, the best thing that happened to me this year is when Keanu, my shih tzu, came into my life. He always brings joy to me. He never leaves me. He knows when I am lonely and sad. He looks at me whenever I am crying as if he’s telling me everything will be alright. That he’s there for me no matter what happens. He’s my baby. He’s my little brother. He’s just a dog but he gives meaning in my life.

But life is not always being happy. We have ups and downs. Life can be so unfair most of the time. This year, my uncle, the only person in this world who always tell me that he’s proud of me, died. He’s one of the best people in my life and yet he left us here. I remember his proud face when I graduated. The times when he talks to me. The times when he tells me I am one of the most intelligent people in our family. He will always stay in my heart and mind.

Aside from my uncle’s death, a lot of problems arise this year. Problems in our family. It is all because of money. The reason of our family war. The reason of my depression. The reason why I’ve decided to end my life. Not once but twice. It’s hard to decide on my life’s fate. The medicines I have taken, the blade, the cigarette, they are all part of my life. This is my darkest year. It’s hard to have a mental illness like mine. It’s hard when you don’t have support from your family. And most of all, it’s so hard when people judge you for what you’ve done. They think you have a disease like tuberculosis, HIV or any disease that can be contagious. They don’t want you to be near them. And they will spread gossips that you are crazy.

My life in 2011 maybe worse or much better than other people. We can’t tell. It is based on other people’s perception. But in this year, God has given me two chances to live. I can’t promise that I will not commit suicide again. Promises are made to broken, right? But what I want now is to forget all of the bad things that happened to me. It’s not easy but I’ll try my best. I want to start a new beginning. I want to forgive those people who hurt me. I want to have work. I want to travel the world. I want my dreams to come to life. I want my life to be normal. I want to be a strong person.

As I’ve said, it’s not easy but I’ll do my best to make it possible.

Say hello to 2012 and good bye to 2011.

Happy New Year everyone.

Books Are On Their Way To My Place

30 Dec

With the help of Kuya Tom Baker, my wish of having lots of books are made possible. Of course with the help of his friend Carl Dorsey. Books are on their way to our place and it’s going to be the best gift I’ll be going to receive this coming year. Thank you Kuya Tom, Carl and the rest of the people who donate books and money just to make me happy. I don’t know how to repay your good deeds. I am overwhelmed because I met someone like you. We are all strangers at one point but now, you welcome me as part of your lives. And for me, you are all my family. My WordPress family. Thank you.

You can read Kuya Tom’s blog about the list of books and the compilation of songs (made possible by Carl). Just click the link International Priority Mail To The Philippines

Again, thank you and God bless you more.

Be A Strong Person

26 Dec

Yesterday’s Christmas and I was with my Ninang’s family. Not so happy though ’cause I didn’t know most of the people there. So let’s not just talk about how I spent my Christmas.

Today, I went to Pasay, at my Uncle’s place. My cousin/Ninong wanted me to go here so he could give his gift to me. But I still had to go to his place in Makati later to get it.

The real story about this blog was when I went to a clinic to have a check-up. (I still have the stitches from that incident). I went to a clinic near my Uncle’s place to finally removed my stitches. Of course, the doctor asked the story about my slashed-wrist incident. We talked about it, I cried, told her I couldn’t remember some things (she said I might have a selective amnesia/memory loss or post-traumatic amnesis/memory loss of what happened). Honestly, I couldn’t remember writing some of the blog post I’d written these past few days. The pictures of what happened to me was one of those things I couldn’t remember. There’s also an incident that I was in the beach, trying to drown myself. I didn’t know how I got there. So amnesia is true? Instead of just removing my stitches, she became a counselor. She told me that it’s miracle that I was still alive right now. Really, I should be dead right now but here I am, still alive. The first time I committed suicide, all my laboratory results were normal. And the second time, I took 27 tablets of Clonazepam and I slashed my wrist. I wasn’t hospitalized or even had a gastric lavage. They just stitched my wrist and that’s it. I lost more than 150 ml of blood plus with 27 tablets of Clonazepam, I should be in coma right now. It’s really a miracle. Maybe God really loves me and maybe I haven’t fulfilled my purpose in Earth. She told me that the first step to healing was to accept myself for who I am. I should also remember that there’s always someone out there who loves me. And I should love life.

She told me to be a strong person. Well, everyone said that I should be one.

But it’s hard to be one. I feel so weak or is it just in my mind? Maybe I should tell myself to be a strong person. That’s the only way to face my life challenges, right.

So Anne, you have to be strong, okay? Promise, yourself. Please, promise yourself.

PS: I have made one of the hardest decision in my life. I’ll tell you…

Soon.

Boracay Experience

23 Dec

This video was made by my friend Angelo. A compilation of pictures when we went to Boracay. Okay, I cried when I watched this video again. I love them. I miss them.

Good Bye

22 Dec

I always believe that there’s always anew beginning whenever we say good bye. It’s not yet the end. It only gives you a second chance to make things right.

This week has been one roughest pace of my life. I almost ended my life but God let me live in this world again. Today I’m leaving Bataan. I’ll leave my family here. I’ll all the bad memories that happened. I’ll try to forget and forgive. I’m going to Manila later to start a new life. I’ll be living with my Ninang (Godmother) for awhile then maybe at my friend’s place until I already have a stable job. I’m leaving with only 2000 on my pocket. I know it’s not enough so I have to find a job as soon as possible. I’m still in the process of accepting the things that happened to me. Until now, I couldn’t sleep at night. I haven’t eaten for three days except for some crackers and water. My heart is still in pain. And I still look like a zombie. I still look lifeless. It’s not easy to move one especially if the ones who hurt you are your family. I don’t know if my dreams will ever come true now that I’m going to live independently. Good bye good bye good bye.

The hardest words to say. I have to say good bye to my nephews and nieces. We’re all crying. Sorry I’m such a cry baby. I cry a lot. Actually I’m crying right now. I have to say goodbye to my dog, Keanu. I might not ever see him again. My God, I can’t look at my dog’s face. He can feel that I am leaving.

Okay, enough of this drama. But before I leave, I want to say than you to those who helped me.

• Bryan – so okay, you’re reading my blog. But because of you, my bestfriend knew what happened to me. And BTW thank you ’cause she said that you’re worried about me and also I hate you for not replying when I BBMed you when I said thank you.
• Erlich – you’re the bestest friend I’d ever had. Thank you for all the encouraging words. And sorry if you couldn’t understand what I am saying when I called you. Thank you also to your parents because they always made me feel that I’m a part of your family.
• Ate Yang – thank you ’cause in everything that happened to me, you’re always there willing to help and for always reminding me that God is here to help me face all these challenges.
• Kim Patrick – we just talked a little but thank you. Because you still believed that I can face it all. You told me that I am a strong woman. And for telling me that you’ll never leave me. Friends forever right?
• Renxkyoko – my online friend. I know you got carried away by my stories but thank you ’cause you been always here to help. Although we’re miles apart and we didn’t know each other personally, I still consider you as one of my best friends. I hope to meet you soon. And I hope you’ve received my email.

There are so many people to thank for. Sorry I can’t tell it here all your names. It’ll be going to be the Guiness longest blog post if I do that. THANK YOU guys.

Good bye bad memories. Hello to my new life. 🙂

Friends Forever

21 Dec

I cried because of this text message. He really cares for me. Yes, Friends Forever and I promise not to leave him. :’)

one Last Thought Before Sleeping

19 Dec

Okay this week was all about my suicide. You knew that my uncle slapped my face and told me he’s going to kill me. And then my auntie, the one who raised me up told me to get lost and just kill myself. I felt lost. I felt like no one loves me. I went to the beach. I though the waves gonna drown me. Then after that, I went to different stores to buy blade but they told they didn’t had one. Yes, I’m gonna use it to slash my carotid artery so I would die for sure. My friend saw me and tried to stop me from buying that thing. Then we went to my cousin’s house. We talked; me, my friend, my former tutor and my cousin’s husband. I was crying the whole. All I’d ever wanted was to kill myself and end my sufferings. I’m tried of this. No one really loves me. I don’t have a job to support my needs. I even sent messages to some of my friends saying thank you for the memories. And then, my friend Ryan Called me. He said that don’t do what I’m planning to do. Then our group, Ryan, Brent, Kim and Isay tweeted me that they’re giving me some money to help me start a new life. They know that I only have a few bucks in my pocket. Then I asked for my Ninang Beth. She said she’s going to send money next week after her hectic work. And my lesbian cousin’s girlfriend will also send me a little amount of money and will endorse me on her first job. My bestfriend Erlich asked if I want to stay with them then work at their mangi business. My former room mate Ate Arianne told me that she’s going to Bataan to take care of me or if I want, she’s going to send some money.And most of all, my Ninang Ofel told me that she never had a daughter and that maybe I’m the one she’s looking for. Well, I thank them for the help. But right now, all I want is Mom’s Forgiveness. Or maybe, I’ll attempt suicide again.

PS. My cousin whom I told you before who always neglect her children because of another guy, well, I found out that my things are outside their house. I do not live in their house now But I’m sleeping at one of my cousin’s house now. I don’t know where to go sleep next with my 220 pesos.

Maybe what I need to do now is sleep because people are talking that it feels like I don’t sleep at all.

Day 2 at Nueva Ecija (Central Luzon State University)

3 Dec

Good evening fellow bloggers! 🙂 Another tiring day had passed. Today, we went to Central Luzon State University. a hundred-plus hectare open university in Science City of Munoz.

So our first activity was to share God’s words to freshmen and sophomore students. It was a fun experience and I got the chance to share my stories with them.



After that we ate ICE SCRAMBLE

and YOHGURT

Our last activity??? Stroll the university. Enjoy looking at my shots. Nature-lovers will surely love this place. 🙂