Tag Archives: God

2011 — A Year To Remember

31 Dec

2011 is almost over. A year that will always have a place in my heart. It consists of bittersweet memories. A year that may changed life forever. A year that I have to say good bye now. This year has a lot of memories. Happy days. Sad moments. The most challenging year of my life.

One of the best memories I have this year is when I finished my Bachelor’s degree. I am now a graduate of Bachelor of Nursing but I have decided not to take the board exam because it’s not something I have dreamed of. I cannot see myself working in a hospital. I love being a nurse. I love helping people who are sick. I love putting smile on my patient’s face. But it’s not meant for me. I am proud of the nurses around the world because they have one of the hardest jobs on earth. And I am proud of myself because I become a student nurse in my lifetime.

Another memories worth remembering this year is when I have my vacation in Boracay and Nueva Ecija. It’s been my dream to explore the beauty of the Philippines and of course to travel the world. And it’s special ’cause I’m with my friends. I am at the weakest point of my life when I go to those two places. At least, for a short period of time, I forget my problems and just enjoy life with my friends, with nature and with God.

Before the year ends, I have met a lot of amazing people from WordPress. People who give me hope. You know who you are and I will always be thankful for those people.

And most of all, the best thing that happened to me this year is when Keanu, my shih tzu, came into my life. He always brings joy to me. He never leaves me. He knows when I am lonely and sad. He looks at me whenever I am crying as if he’s telling me everything will be alright. That he’s there for me no matter what happens. He’s my baby. He’s my little brother. He’s just a dog but he gives meaning in my life.

But life is not always being happy. We have ups and downs. Life can be so unfair most of the time. This year, my uncle, the only person in this world who always tell me that he’s proud of me, died. He’s one of the best people in my life and yet he left us here. I remember his proud face when I graduated. The times when he talks to me. The times when he tells me I am one of the most intelligent people in our family. He will always stay in my heart and mind.

Aside from my uncle’s death, a lot of problems arise this year. Problems in our family. It is all because of money. The reason of our family war. The reason of my depression. The reason why I’ve decided to end my life. Not once but twice. It’s hard to decide on my life’s fate. The medicines I have taken, the blade, the cigarette, they are all part of my life. This is my darkest year. It’s hard to have a mental illness like mine. It’s hard when you don’t have support from your family. And most of all, it’s so hard when people judge you for what you’ve done. They think you have a disease like tuberculosis, HIV or any disease that can be contagious. They don’t want you to be near them. And they will spread gossips that you are crazy.

My life in 2011 maybe worse or much better than other people. We can’t tell. It is based on other people’s perception. But in this year, God has given me two chances to live. I can’t promise that I will not commit suicide again. Promises are made to broken, right? But what I want now is to forget all of the bad things that happened to me. It’s not easy but I’ll try my best. I want to start a new beginning. I want to forgive those people who hurt me. I want to have work. I want to travel the world. I want my dreams to come to life. I want my life to be normal. I want to be a strong person.

As I’ve said, it’s not easy but I’ll do my best to make it possible.

Say hello to 2012 and good bye to 2011.

Happy New Year everyone.

An Actor Found Dead In His Car

29 Dec

It has been all over the news last night that Tyron Perez (a contender of a reality show, Starstruck 1) is found dead in an abandoned car. It is believed that he committed suicide. I feel sad for him. I can feel his pain. I can see his face crying while he is deciding which fate he will choose. It also breaks my heart that a lot of people are judging him because of what he did to himself. I want to defend him. I want to scream at those people. I want to tell them “You don’t know a thing about him so please stop judging him and just let him rest in peace.” We don’t know each other personally but I feel sorry for him. I just hope that he is happy wherever he is now. I know he is in good hands. And I hope he will find true happiness there.

••••••••••

After reading the news on twitter last night, I feel lifeless again. The number of suicide incidents are rising. Days after I first committed suicide, there are a lot of suicide news all over the country including the infamous gay couple in SM Pampanga. The gay shot his partner with a gun and then he shot himself after. They are both dead. Now, it is Tyron Perez, who is dead now. I keep on thinking why I am still on earth and they are not. Is it true that the reason I am here is because of God’s miracle? Maybe. Because I should be dead right now after what I did on my last suicide attempt. Maybe God is telling me that I haven’t fulfilled my purpose on earth.

I just hope that I’ll never hear a news about suicide again. I don’t wanna hear sad stories.

And I hope someday, I’ll learn the reason why God let me live the second time around. I want to know my..

Life’s purpose.

New “Not-Yet-A-Celebrity” Crush

11 Dec

I’ve been watching two reality shows every night. One is Survivor Philippines Celebrity Doubles Showdown aired every night in GMA7 and the other one is Pinoy Big Brother Unlimited Edition aired every afternoon and everynight in ABS CBN. The reason I’m watching Survivor is because I have a crush on KC Montero. Hahaha. :)) And why PBB? Because I’m an avid fan of Kapamilya(ABS-CBN) shows. I’m a certified Kapamilya. Hahaha. :)) At first, Mark and Kevin are the guys I find attractive in PBB Unliday while Slater in PBB Unlinight. And then, there comes this guy named Carlo of PBB Unlinight. I don’t think he’s as handsome as the other guys but he’s so nice, friendly and can get along with other housemates. He’s so kind. When he found out that one his housemates, Biggel, doesn’t have a formal attire, he lends his polo. And now, he has a task along with other housemates. They need to change the attitude of Kigoy. He’s doing the task not because they need the weekly budget but because he wants to help Kigoy to change. He even told “Kuya” that he wants to cry because of the positive changes in Kigoy. And because of him being so nice and kind, he is now my “not-yet-a-celebrity” crush. Hahaha. 😀 He’s attractive in that way. And what makes him more attractive in my eyes? He has a book entitled, The Purpose Driven Life. A guy who is living in God’s purpose is more attractive than guys with pretty faces, right? So here’s a picture of him and please do watch PBB Unlinight. Certified Team High Voltage!

Reflect!

8 Dec

Hello from Bataan! So my five-day vacation is finally over. 😦 I’m gonna miss Nueva Ecija, the place wherein I found God.

Almost all of the members of our family are devoted Roman Catholic. They go to church every Sunday. They pray the rosary every 6pm. they are always present when there’s an activity in the church. I’m the complete opposite of them. I seldom go to church. i only pray when I need something. There comes a time when I almost become an atheist. Yeah, that’s true. I get angry with God. I blame Him for what’s happening with my life. I almost don’t believe that He exists. But my trip in Nueva Ecija changes everything.

Upon arriving at Munoz, I met Ate Arianne and we went straight to their church. A Christian church. She told me they had a choir practice. So I agreed to go with her. After their practice, I wasn’t expecting that they would have “sharing”. Read my previous post “My First Day in Munoz”. The second day, we went to Central Luzon State University. We had cell group and discussed about God to freshmen and sophomore college students. Of course, we had sharing of ideas and our experiences. I almost told them my secret. That night, Ate Arianne and I talked about my problems. Of course, I cried while telling her about my frustations in life, the things that I’d done wrong, and the moment when I almost ended my life, the day I committed suicide. It’s hard telling someone the only in my life that I’d always wanted to forget but at the same time it also felt good ’cause I know that someone’s willing to listen and understand without judgement. And while we’re talking I realized something, God really loves me. Why??? Because He let me live in this world. You know what, I took 18 tablets of Mefenamic Acid last August 24. I had 30 tablets more in our medicine cabinet but I wasn;t able to took those pills because the SWAT already found me. There were a lot of people outside our house. The paramedics were already there. They immediately admiitted me in the hospital. The nurse and the doctore wanted to put NGT to me but I said no. If God wasn’t good, I might be dead right now. But He is good. He made a miracle to me. He gave me a second chance. He gave me another life. If you had knowledge about medicine, you would know that overdosage of MFA could lead to gastro-intestinal bleeding, stomachache, liver toxicity and kidney toxicity. But nothing happened to me. I didn’t felt any pain. My laboratory results were all normal. As if I only took candies. You might say that the hospital staffs cured me but no! The only medicine I had at that time was D5LR and anti-biotic via IV because of UTI. And like I told you, I didn’t agreed on the NGT thing. Ate Arianne made me realized the miracle that happened to me. And I thanked her. And most of all I thanked God. And there’s more, after almost 2 months, my called me. My mom and I had a fight and we’re not talking and she’s not giving me money. Really, with God, everything is possible.

I’m not proud of what I’ve done. But what I want is YOU, to reflect and realize all the good things that God has given you. Don’t let your anger leads you to darkness. And don’t you ever dare to do what I’ve done because that’s the greatest sin in the world.

Always pray and thank Him. God bless you. 🙂

Day 2 at Nueva Ecija (Central Luzon State University)

3 Dec

Good evening fellow bloggers! 🙂 Another tiring day had passed. Today, we went to Central Luzon State University. a hundred-plus hectare open university in Science City of Munoz.

So our first activity was to share God’s words to freshmen and sophomore students. It was a fun experience and I got the chance to share my stories with them.



After that we ate ICE SCRAMBLE

and YOHGURT

Our last activity??? Stroll the university. Enjoy looking at my shots. Nature-lovers will surely love this place. 🙂

My First Day in Munoz! :)

2 Dec

Good evening from the first Science City in the Philippines, SCIENCE CITY OF MUNOZ, NUEVA ECIJA!

Today was an adventure! It’s my first time to travel alone in a place I’d never been into. So with one bagpack and my dog, I went straight to the bus terminal! I felt like I am Dora The Explorer with my bagback and my dog, Keanu, is Boots. Hahaha. So I traveled for more or less 7 hours with 7 public transportations. Yes, that’s true. From our house, I rode a tricycle to Balanga Central Terminal and then I found out that there were no buses going to Cabanatuan. So I rode a tricycle again going to Genesis Bus Terminal. The bus was going from Bataan to Pampanga. I arrived at Pampanga Central Terminal after one hour. I was going to ride a airconditioned bus when they told me that pets were not allowed. I had to put Keanu in the bus’s compartment. Of course, I said no. So instead, I rode an ordinary bus. Well, it was okay at first because Keanu loved the fresh air and I could see the beautiful scenery outside until our bus had to stopped because of flat tire. So we waited for almost 15 minutes before another bus passed by. Upon arriving to Cabanatuan, I rode a jeepney going to Munoz. But at Talavera, the driver asked me to transfer to another jeepney. I told the driver to tell me when we’re already at Munoz Public Market. But then again, he forgot about it. So I had to ride a tricycle again and then I met my friend there. O yes, finally, after 7 hours and 7 public transportations, I arrived the City of Munoz. Mind you, I looked like haggard woman with a tired dog beside me.

When I met my friend/former room mate, Ate Arianne, we went straight to their chursh. An evangelist church. (I am a Catholic but Catholics and Evangelists are both Christians). They had some activities there. They asked me to join them. I said yes. There’s nothing wrong with it, right? One of the speakers asked us this questions, “What are you if you were a non-living thing? And Why?”. My answer, “I would like to be a photograph. But it has to be a stolen or candid one. Why? Because I believe that pictures are memories and stolen pictures can show the real us. I want people to remember me as myself. No pretentions. I want them to see what God has made me to be.” And then we had to think a word that best describes God with the first letter of our answer on the first activity. I answered photograph, so I had to think of a word or phrase that starts with the letter “P”. So I answered them with this, “P is for POSSIBLE. With God, all things are possible.” After that, the pastor told us some words of wisdom and encouragement. I felt like God was beside at that moment. I could feel his presence.

Though I am deadly tired now, I’m still happy. I think my trip here will enrich the spiritual aspect of my life. Now, I’m staying at Ate Arianne’s place. My dog’s beside me, sleeping quietly. I should sleep now, too.

So good night everyone. Lond day ahead tomorrow. 🙂

***Sorry, I don’t have pictures of my first day here but promise, I’ll post a lot tomorrow. Good night again.***