Tag Archives: Mental Health

Just A Quick Message Before I Leave

10 Jan

Hi WordPress people. I have to say goodbye from now. I am going to the rehabilitation facility today and I don’t when will I come back. Maybe for a couple of months. We’re not allowed to use phone and internet there. I’m going to miss you guys. When I come back, I’ll write all of my experience there. Again, I forgot the name of rehabilitation center. It something like Rebirth Rehabilitation? I’m not sure. The address is 71 Wakas South, Pilar, Bataan 2101.

See you next time guys.

Much love, Anne 🙂

The Reason Why I Am Leaving

4 Jan

January 10. Tuesday. The date that may changed my life forever.

A lot of my friends are asking where I am going. I can’t tell them. My mom and I agreed that only a few people should know about my decision. She’s afraid that people will judge me again. Of course, they will. So I’ve told only a few people about this; my best friend (Erlich), my college room mate (Ate Arianne), and some WordPress people.

But now I’ll tell all of you the reason why I am leaving. The place where I am going. But promise me, you have to keep it a secret. Especially to some of my friends who know this blog site of mine. If you happen to read this, please don’t tell anyone.

This is it. I am going in a rehabilitation center/mental institution. Surprise. Surprise. Again, please don’t judge me. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I’ve think about it not just twice but a couple of times before I’ve finally agreed to this. But I guess, this is the smartest thing to do. I’m not sure of myself. Sometimes, when I am alone, when I’m sad, I still think of killing myself. What if I did it again and then I ended up dead? it will just break my mother’s heart. And I don’t wanna leave her. Now that I know how much she loves me. I don’t wanna hurt her again. I’m her only child and she’s my only parent. No one will take care of her when she’s old and sick. I am the only person she can count on. I am doing this not just for me, but for her. I love my mom so much that now, thinking of leaving her breaks my heart. So I have to do this. I need to do this. It’s hard leaving all of my possessions behind. A life without internet, phones and television. A place where you know no one. A room full of strangers who has mental illness. Depressed and suicidal like me. I don’t know how long will it take before I’ll be home again. A month, a couple of months or maybe a year. I really don’t know. It’s also hard for my mom; her only daughter will be living like a prisoner in a rehabilitation center.

I still don’t know the name and exact address of the facility but it is owned by my psychiatrist. My mom has to extend her work contract because of this. She’s going to spend 20000 to 40000 php (500 to 1000 USD) a month for my rehabilitation. I know my father’s not going to help her with the expenses. Knowing he has a daughter with mental disorder, he’ll just think of me as a disgrace in his family. To think that I am also his illegitimate daughter. And I am using his surname. In his head, I know he’s saying these words, “WHAT A SHAME!” But, I’m still hoping that he cares for me. He’s still my father, right?

The rehabilitation center is located near our place. Somewhere in Pilar, Bataan but I’ve said, I don’t know the exact address. Most of the patients there are drug addicts because it is primarily a drug rehabilitation center but there’s still room for people like me. They have patients like me. I’m not expecting any visitors ’cause only a few people know about it. I just hope I’ll see my friends before I leave. I’m gonna miss them. And it’s hard when you don’t get any updates from the outside world. As if I am living in Big Brother’s house.

I hope that my stay there will heal my heart and clear my mind. I hope that when I get back, I am a better person.

Life as A Student Nurse

1 Jan

A lot of people are asking me why I took nursing. Wanna know the reason why? Almost 5 years ago, nurses are in demand all over the world. Also, Philippines has a shortage of staff nurses. And since my mom’s working in a hospital, she wants me to be her workmate. (She’s not a nurse. She’s an x-ray technician). In short, she’s the one responsible why I take that course. I don’t want to be a nurse but I’ve written in my school yearbook that it’s always been my dream to become one. I just don’t know what to write at that time. But honestly, I want to be a civil engineer or an accountant. I’m pretty good in Mathematics especially Algebra and Beginner’s Calculus and to tell you the truth, I am a Math geek. Science is my worst enemy. One of the reasons why I don’t like nursing. I remember sleeping at 3am when I was still in my college years because I couldn’t understood Chemistry and Biochemistry. Thank God, I’ve passed those two subjects. Microbiology is pretty hard too. I have to remember the names of those not-so-good-looking parasites, worms, etc. They look awful. But again, I’ve passed that subject. Actually, I’ve never failed any subjects. Ooh, and I am not a grade conscious. I only study when I know that this particular subject is not my forte. The rest, I’d rather sleep or watch TV series or surf the internet than reviewing and reading my notes. Thanks to stock knowledge because I’ve passed all my subjects. But guys, Nursing is a pretty hard subject. And with my school, I tell you, it’s not easy studying there. We have to pass all the subjects plus comprehensive exams and revalida every semester.We also have this Nursing Aptitude Test way back in second year. We have to pass that test to enter 3rd year. I’ve got 95 although I don’t study at all. Again, thanks to stock knowledge. Not just that, but we have to pass the interview and our General Weighted Average should be at least 2.00 (B-) to become a junior student. It’s pretty tough. Really. But I’ve passed those exams because if not, maybe, I won’t be able to graduate.

The only thing I love about nursing is our hospital duties. And oh, community duties too. I’ve said before that I am not seeing myself working in a hospital. I like working in a hospital but it’s not the career meant for me. I hate my course but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying my hospital and community exposures. I love helping people especially if my service is for free. (Maybe, I’ll volunteer on medical missions instead of working in a hospital.) I love making Nursing Care Plans. It consists of the following: Subjective and Objective Data, Nursing Diagnosis, Interventions, Planning, Evaluation. We always do that. Each patient has at least 3 Nursing Care Plans. That means we have to at least make 3 Nursing Diagnoses. Acute Pain related to (certain etiology/cause) is the most used nursing diagnosis of all. I also love making Case Presentations especially if my patient’s case is rare. My group mates call me Ms. Pathophysiology. I’m always the one making the pathophysiology of the disease of our patient. I know, I’m not good in science but I love solving mysteries. And knowing the causes why that certain disease exists is like solving a mystery. Aside from those reasons, knowing that my patient is getting better because of my tender loving care gives me happiness no one can ever describe. I remember some of my patients are giving me thank you presents for taking care of them. But I have one incident that I can say the most memorable one while I have my hospital duty. There’s a patient having a heart attack. He needs CPR. He’s my classmate’s patient. Upon seeing the situation wherein the blue team is already there giving CPR, etc., I cry. I know I shouldn’t. But I can’t bear seeing him like that. It breaks my heart. I was crying the whole time and I just stayed at the rest room. My friends told me to just stay there because I was already shivering. Sadly, the patient didn’t make it. He’s dead after 1 hour and 20 minutes of trying to revive him. 😦 There’s also an incident wherein I’ve got shingles because of my patient. I was absent for one week because of that!

Community immersion/duty is one of most enjoyable moments of my students nurse’s life. We have to go to different house to conduct survey. I remember, I was once chased by a dog while conducting survey. Take note, there is only one house there and it takes us almost an hour before we arrive at that house. Good thing, the dog didn’t bite me. Thanks to my huge umbrella. We also make certain projects for a specific area. We’ll know their problems based on our survey. Some of our projects are the following: waste management, feeding program, dengue prevention, pneumonia and other lung diseases prevention and many more. It’s nice knowing you’re a part of a certain community’s health progression.

But my most unforgettable experience is when we have our duty in National Center for Mental Health. We spend 5 days there. We are assigned in the chronic female ward. The patients there are confined for more than 6 months. Most of them are already cured but they’ve decided to stay there because their family can’t accept them. Honestly, I don’t understand their family. Just because their mentally ill doesn’t mean they’ll hurt you. Remember, they’re already cured. What they need is love and acceptance. Sorry, I know the feeling of not being taken care of. Our group give our best to make those patient happy. We have different activities for them. And I am the one who cooked food for them. The patients, as well as my groupmates, like it! 🙂

It’s fun being a student nurse. There’s a lot of things you’ll experience. You’ll learn a lot from those experiences. I’ve graduated at the age of 19. Pretty young, right? Four years of hard work and I can say that I am proud being a nurse. As I’ve said, this job is not meant for me but still, I love being called a nurse. And I will always be proud of the nurses around the world.