Tag Archives: postaweek

Be Resposible!

11 Dec

Okay, I’m a little pissed off right now with someone right now. She’s 30 years old, married and with two kids. She got pregnant with her first baby 5 or 6 months before her college graduate. That was nine years ago. She got married after her graduation with the father of her child. In nine years, she played the role of a housewife. And recently, I think 3 months ago, her husband went abroad to work. And that’s the time this girl started to get into my nerves. She told me that she had textmates even before her husband went to work in another country. And now, one of her childhood friends (a friend of her husband too) told her that he had a crush on her. And this girl told the guy that she had a crush on him too. What the heck??? Did she forget that she’s already married? Oh, and I forgot to tell you that this guy was her daughter’s teacher. Yep! So she made her child an excuse just to see that guy. All I could hear from her was this guy’s name. I told him that she should stop seeing that guy and stop talking about him ’cause just hearing the guy’s name made my ears bleed. And most all, she’s already committed with someone and she had two kids! Her husband is working hard abroad just to give her and their kids a better future and in just three months, she’s doing something like that. Ooh, there’s more. She’s drinking with her friends while her kids were wandering and playing. And it was night time. Her mother told her to go home but she insisted to stay with her friends. What a responsible mother!!!! Sometimes, I wanted to slap her so she would realize the things she’s doing.

I don’t know what to say to her anymore. I understand that she didn’t enjoy her teenage years because of having a family in an early age. But she also think of her kids, her family.

I pity the kids. I pity her husband. I pity her.

New “Not-Yet-A-Celebrity” Crush

11 Dec

I’ve been watching two reality shows every night. One is Survivor Philippines Celebrity Doubles Showdown aired every night in GMA7 and the other one is Pinoy Big Brother Unlimited Edition aired every afternoon and everynight in ABS CBN. The reason I’m watching Survivor is because I have a crush on KC Montero. Hahaha. :)) And why PBB? Because I’m an avid fan of Kapamilya(ABS-CBN) shows. I’m a certified Kapamilya. Hahaha. :)) At first, Mark and Kevin are the guys I find attractive in PBB Unliday while Slater in PBB Unlinight. And then, there comes this guy named Carlo of PBB Unlinight. I don’t think he’s as handsome as the other guys but he’s so nice, friendly and can get along with other housemates. He’s so kind. When he found out that one his housemates, Biggel, doesn’t have a formal attire, he lends his polo. And now, he has a task along with other housemates. They need to change the attitude of Kigoy. He’s doing the task not because they need the weekly budget but because he wants to help Kigoy to change. He even told “Kuya” that he wants to cry because of the positive changes in Kigoy. And because of him being so nice and kind, he is now my “not-yet-a-celebrity” crush. Hahaha. 😀 He’s attractive in that way. And what makes him more attractive in my eyes? He has a book entitled, The Purpose Driven Life. A guy who is living in God’s purpose is more attractive than guys with pretty faces, right? So here’s a picture of him and please do watch PBB Unlinight. Certified Team High Voltage!

Single Since Birth!

9 Dec

Anyone here who’s been single from the time they were born up to now? Let me guess, if not all, most of you are in a relationship right now or have been in a romantic relationship before. So most of you are not part of the No Boyfriend Since Birth Club. Okay let me tell you one thing about myself, I never have a boyfriend ever in my life. Imagine I’m already 20 and yet I’ve never been into a romantic relationship.. So that means, I’ve never been kissed by a guy. My first kiss’s a girl. No, I’m not a lesbian. I am a straight girl. And that kiss was a SMACK. Okay?
The reason why I am single because no one ever dared to court me. Maybe no one really likes me *sob*. No! I doubt that. I believe that there’s always one person who likes you. He’s just too scared to tell you. I have a lot of guy friends but when I feel like our closeness are getting into something deeper, I immediately tell him that I love someone else. Actually, that’s the truth. I’ve been in love twice but sadly, they’re both in a relationship and I think they’re happy.
I’m not whining about being single ’cause the truth I am happy with it. I can do whatever I want. I have more time with my friends. I am not obliged to tell someone “good morning sweetie” or “good night babe”. But my friends keep bugging me being single. I mean what’s wrong with that? To tell you the truth, even my mom told that I should have a boyfriend already since I’m already done with my studies.
I also have friends like me. We all choose to graduate first before getting into a romantic relationship. I am not alone with this. Once we asked each other, what qualities we like in a guy. I always say I like guys who are chinito or bald. Haha! 😀 Well, one of the reasons I don’t have a boyfriend aside from being in love with my bestfriend who has a girlfriend, is I have a checklist. Yes, a checklist of what I want in a guy.
1. Chinito
2. Bald
3. Guy who wears eyeglasses
4. Gentleman
5. With sense of humor
6. Knows how to have clean fun
7. Can sing ( I want him to serenade me)
8. Can dance
9. Taller than me
10. Smart
11. Strict but not too much
12. Loves to travel
13. Good in taking photos (I want to see the beauty of the world through him)
14. Can play at least one musical instrument
15.Knows how to cook
16. Guys with killer smile
17. Knows how to draw/paint
18. Loves art
19. With long patience
20. Mysterious
21. Admits his mistakes
22. Loves me more than I love him
23. Bookworm
24. Respects women
25. God-fearing
26. With stable job
27. Animal-lover
28. Loves adventure
29. One-woman man
30. Not afraid to tell the world that he loves me
31. Family-oriented
32. Responsible
33. Humble
34. Loves to surprise me
35. Always makes me smile
36. Makes an effort to be with me
37. A wise-spender
38. Someone who gets along with my friends and family
39. Loves what I love
40. And most of all, HE MUST BE THE GUY THAT I LOVED.

If you check 20/40, maybe YOU are the one that I’ve been waiting for my whole life. Hahaha. :))


8 Dec

Hello from Bataan! So my five-day vacation is finally over. 😦 I’m gonna miss Nueva Ecija, the place wherein I found God.

Almost all of the members of our family are devoted Roman Catholic. They go to church every Sunday. They pray the rosary every 6pm. they are always present when there’s an activity in the church. I’m the complete opposite of them. I seldom go to church. i only pray when I need something. There comes a time when I almost become an atheist. Yeah, that’s true. I get angry with God. I blame Him for what’s happening with my life. I almost don’t believe that He exists. But my trip in Nueva Ecija changes everything.

Upon arriving at Munoz, I met Ate Arianne and we went straight to their church. A Christian church. She told me they had a choir practice. So I agreed to go with her. After their practice, I wasn’t expecting that they would have “sharing”. Read my previous post “My First Day in Munoz”. The second day, we went to Central Luzon State University. We had cell group and discussed about God to freshmen and sophomore college students. Of course, we had sharing of ideas and our experiences. I almost told them my secret. That night, Ate Arianne and I talked about my problems. Of course, I cried while telling her about my frustations in life, the things that I’d done wrong, and the moment when I almost ended my life, the day I committed suicide. It’s hard telling someone the only in my life that I’d always wanted to forget but at the same time it also felt good ’cause I know that someone’s willing to listen and understand without judgement. And while we’re talking I realized something, God really loves me. Why??? Because He let me live in this world. You know what, I took 18 tablets of Mefenamic Acid last August 24. I had 30 tablets more in our medicine cabinet but I wasn;t able to took those pills because the SWAT already found me. There were a lot of people outside our house. The paramedics were already there. They immediately admiitted me in the hospital. The nurse and the doctore wanted to put NGT to me but I said no. If God wasn’t good, I might be dead right now. But He is good. He made a miracle to me. He gave me a second chance. He gave me another life. If you had knowledge about medicine, you would know that overdosage of MFA could lead to gastro-intestinal bleeding, stomachache, liver toxicity and kidney toxicity. But nothing happened to me. I didn’t felt any pain. My laboratory results were all normal. As if I only took candies. You might say that the hospital staffs cured me but no! The only medicine I had at that time was D5LR and anti-biotic via IV because of UTI. And like I told you, I didn’t agreed on the NGT thing. Ate Arianne made me realized the miracle that happened to me. And I thanked her. And most of all I thanked God. And there’s more, after almost 2 months, my called me. My mom and I had a fight and we’re not talking and she’s not giving me money. Really, with God, everything is possible.

I’m not proud of what I’ve done. But what I want is YOU, to reflect and realize all the good things that God has given you. Don’t let your anger leads you to darkness. And don’t you ever dare to do what I’ve done because that’s the greatest sin in the world.

Always pray and thank Him. God bless you. 🙂

The Joy He Brings

30 Nov

My life is like a wheel. Rollin’ and rollin’. So many ups and downs. There also comes a time when I already give up. Almost everyone in my family hate me now. My friends are livin’ in the city while I’m stuck here in the province. Jobless. Lonely. Loner. No job. No family. No friends. Sad isn’t it? But there’s one little creature who never leave me. He’s been beside me for the last 6 months. And he’s the best thing that happened to me. I don not regret buying him. He’s the only who can make me smile when I’m crying. He listens to me when no one understands me. He knows when I’m sad. He’ll look me in the eyes as if he’s telling me, “Anne, don’t be sad, I’ll never leave you no matter what happens. Arf. Arf.” He’s the best-est friend I’ve ever had. I can confide on him.

His name is Keanu. A dog. A shih tzu. The one who brings joy to my life.

Mt. Samat (Dambana ng Kagitingan/Shrine of Valor)

27 Nov

It all started when I made a list of places I’ve want to visit in the Philippines. I called my friend and asked him to come with me and then he invited his cousin(he’s also our friend). So yesterday(Nov. 26), we went to Mt. Samat together with other hundreds of Bataenos for the Diocese of Bataan’s Annual Pilgrimage. It took us almost 3 hours of non-stop walking/hiking before we reached the peak of the mountain.

I’m from Bataan, and I’ve been to Mt. Samat twice but I don’t have pictures. So this’s the third I’m going to the historical mountain in Bataan. The Mt. Samat! As you can see in the pictures, there is a giant cross at the peak of the mountain. This is symbol of heroism of the Filipino soldiers who fought for the Filipino’s independence against the Japanese colonization. Former President Ferdinand Marcos was the one responsible why we, Bataenos, have this historical place. FYI, he’s one of the Filipino soldiers. It is also one of the most beautiful places here in Bataan aside from the beaches, forest, hanging bridge, etcetera.

Aside from the giant cross (also known as Dambana ng Kagitingan / Shrine of Valor), there is also a museum. You can see photos of the World War II, different kinds of guns, bombs and the likes which they used during the war. There is also a big map of the peninsula of Bataan.

It’s not easy going to Mt. Samat. It hurt my feet. I almost had an astha attack. I almost gave up but I still tried. When I reached the peak, there was a strange feeling. A feeling of euphoria. It felt like my dream were coming true. Going to Mt. Samat gave me strength to face the challenges I have to face in life. The only reason I’d decided to go there was to travel. It’s just for fun and adventure. But you know what, this one simple travel of mine to Mt. Samat taught me TWO things:




Another Friend Left

25 Nov

Belated happy thanksgiving to everyone! 🙂 I envy those who are in US now ’cause they have this kind of holiday. Anyway, how’s everyone? How do you spend your holiday? Ooooh wait! My blog is about my friend leaving. So why am I asking about thanksgiving? Well, maybe I’m a little bit upset that’s why I’m trying to change the subject.

So here’s the story. Last night, I was watching Survivor Philippines Double Celebrity Showdown. In between commercial breaks, I checked my facebook and twitter for any updates. I was reading some of my friends’ statuses when one status really caught my attention. It said, “Here in Taipei. I’ll wait for 3 hours more for my next flight. Argggg.” So I was like, “HeyN she’s in Taipei? Where is she going?” So I immediately browsed her facebook wall and then I was really shocked. She’s going to New Zealand. And she’s going to stay there for good. She didn’t told me about this. Come to think it, we’re not just friends, we’re BFFs. We used to have sleepovers. We went to mall all the time. We shared secrets. I even celebrated my 17th birthday with her family. And now, she’s going to New Zealand without me knowing. I was angry. I was hurt. I cried last night. Although we hadn’t seen each other for months, I still had the right know that she’s leaving. This’s the second time someone left me and went to another country. I felt like someone just stabbed me.

I don’t understand her why she’s not telling about this. I really don’t understand why they have to leave me. I’m really upset right now. I feel so alone. 😦

Pag-Ibig Nga Naman (Part 2)

24 Nov

Eto na ang pagpapatuloy ng aking one-sided love story.


Nakilala ko ang pangalawang taong minahal ko noon nasa 2nd sem, 2nd year college ako. Itago na lang natin sya sa pangalan na Kier*. Hindi ko maaring sabihin ang tunay nyang pangalan sa kadahilanang baka mabasa nya ito. Naging kaklase ko sya at katabi ko pa sa upuan sa halos lahat ng subjects namin. Inis na inis na inis ako sa kanya dahil ang ingay nya, palamura, mayabang at feeling close. Mga katangian na ayaw ko sa lalake. Kung nabasa nyo ang Part 1 nitong kwento, maaalala nyo yung kaibigan ko na unang nagkagusto sa 1st love. Nagkagusto sya kay Kier*. Hindi lang gusto, kung hindi, gustong gusto nya talaga. Wala naman ako pakealam dahil naiinis ako sa lalakeng ito nung mga panahon na yun at sobrang mahal ko yung 1st love ko. Gusto ng kaibigan ko na maging close kami ni Kier* para ilakad ko sya pero ayaw ko kasi talagang naiinis ako sa kanya. Gusto ko na nga magpalipat ng upuan eh pero syempre bawal. Walang araw na hindi kami nag-asaran. Lagi kaming nagbabarahan. Sabi nya noon, ako lang daw nakakakita ng mga panget sa kanya at ako lang ang unang babaeng nakakapang-asar sa kanya ng ganun. Nung sinabi nya yun, medyo nagiging okay na kami. Nag-aasaran pero nagiging magkaibigan na kami. Unti unti na rin napapansin ng iba yung closeness namin pero syempre wala akong pakealam kasi nga may gusto akong iba. January talaga kami naging sobrang close. Ako kasi group leader sa Community Health Nursing namin. Yun panahon na sobrang broken-hearted ako pero di pa nya alam yun. Sya rin kadalasan nakakapansin na late ako at pumapasok na namamaga ang mata ko. Lagi nya akong inaasar na umiyak ako. Ang hindi nya alam, totoo yun. Lagi pa nya inte-txt kung papasok ako. Unti-unti na kami nagsasabihan ng mga sikreto namin pero di ko pa rin sinasabi yung problema ko sa pag-ibig. Madalas sya pumupunta sa apartment namin para tulungan ako sa school papers namin. Inaabot sya ng madaling araw. Ganun sya kabait kahit na mapang-asar sya. Pupunta pa yan sa amin kahit na may lagnat pa sya. Tinutukso na kami ng mga kaklase namin noon pero wala lang sa akin. Pero yung kaibigan ko, sineryoso yung mga tuksuhan. Akala nya nag-traydor na naman ako sa kanya sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Eh hindi naman. Saka hello, alam naman nya na mahal na mahal ko yung isang lalake noon at nakikita naman nya kung paano ako umiyak dun. Eh pero pinaniwalaan pa rin nya yung sinasabi ng ibang tao. Hindi ko na pinatulan. Ayaw din ni Kier* sa kanya dahil nalaman nya na may gusto sya sa kanya at alam nyang inaaway ako nito. Sabi nya wag ko na daw kausapin yung kaibigan ko. Nung last week ng January, nagkayayaan kami ni Kier* at nung isa pa namin kaibigan na manood ng last full show ng Inkheart. Pero sabi ko, 7pm screening na lang. Pumayag naman sila. Aba alas-syete na pero wala pa si Kier*. Yung isa namin kaibigan at kapatid nya nasa loob na ng sinehan. Bibili na dapat ako ng ticket pero biglang syang nagtxt na hintayin ko sya at kaming dalawa na lang manood. Hinintay ko sya. Pagdating nya, naglibot libot pa kami sa SM San Lazaro. Tapos ayun nanonood kami ng last full show. Ang daldal nya habang nanonood kami. Kinabukasan, alam na ng mga kaklase namin na nanonood kaming dalawa ng sine. Sabi pa ni Kier* nag-date kami. Date? eh nagkanya kanya nga kaming bayad nun. Pero naisip ko, sya nga pala nagbayad tapos binigay ko rin sa kanya yung pera ko. Eh tinanggap naman nya. Alam nya kasi ayaw ko nagpapalibre. Minsan, nagpunta halos lahat ng group namin sa bahay tapos sabi nya naiwan nya yung mga school papers na kailangan namin. Samahan ko raw sya sa dorm nila. Sabi ko sa iba na lang sya magpasama pero ayaw raw nya. Sinamahan ko sya tapos yun pala, yayayain lang nya ako mag-dinner. Pumayag naman ako. Halos isa’t kalahating oras kaming wala. Txt ng txt na mga kasama namin. Dumadalas na pagpunta nya sa bahay namin. Minsan nakikinig kami ng music nang biglang nag-play yung When You Look Me In The Eyes. Bigla ba naman nya ako tinitigan. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi ako madadala ng mga titig nya. Sabi nya, wag kang magsalita ng tapos. May instance pa na umiinom kami hot chocolate. Nasa hagdan ako tapos pumunta sya likod ko. Halos magkadikit na kami. Pwede naman sya tumabi sa akin bakit kailang dun pa sya umupo di ba? Siguro akala nya may gusto ako sa kanya. Ewan ko lang kung may gusto sya sa akin. Dumating yung gabi, sinabi ko sa kanya na may gusto ako sa mga kaklase namin. Sabi ko, di ko masabi sa kanya dahil nahihiya ako. Akala yata nya sya kasi wagas yung ngiti nya nun eh. Tapos sinabi ko na yung pangalan ng kaklase namin. Bigla syang kumuha ng tubig. Di nya ako tinignan. Simula noon, di na sya masyado pumunta sa amin. Pero nakikinig pa rin sya mga kwento ko tungkol sa dun sa isang lalake. Sya naman naging shoulder to cry on ko. Nag-summer na pero di na kami magkaklase noon. Pero nagsasabihan pa rin kami ng problema. Nagkaroon na rin kami ng isang barkada. Magkakasama kami nag-lunch pero di ako makakakain. Nagkaroon kasi ako ng anorexia nung mga panahon na yun. Nagagalit sya kasi di ko inuubos yung pagkain ko. Kaya ayun, unti-unti ko na rin sinubukang kumain ulit. Tumaba na naman ako. 😦 Ang tagal namin ulit hindi nagkita tapos minsan nag-bar kami. Pagpunta nya sa bahay, masyado yata syang excited na makita ako kasi nasa CR pa lang ako, binubuksan na nya yung pinto. Madalas din sa harap ng taxi sa umuupo pero nung panahon na yun, tumabi sya sa akin. At pagbaba namin, feeling ko prinsesa ako kasi inabot pa nya yung kamay ko. Pero syempre nag-inarte ako at hindi ko binigay kamay nya. Alam nya di pa rin ako maka-moveonedotcom noon. Nagkagusto na sya sa iba. Sa isa nyang kaklase. Ako naman, okay lang. Hanggang sa nasanay na ako na lagi ko sya kasama. Gusto ko na sya laging nasa tabi ko. Nagsimula na ako magselos sa mga babaeng nagiging kaibigan nya. Pero sabi naman nya, kahit ilang babae pa yan, iba pa rin daw ako. Fourth year ako ng maramdaman ko na mahal ko na sya. Nung niyaya ko syang lumabas. Hindi date. Parang yun tulad lang ng dati. Nag-oo sya noon. Pinaghandaan ko talaga. Bumili ako ng damit at sapatos. Tapos bigla syang umayaw. Iyak ng iyak ako noon. Inaway ko talaga sya. Isang buwan kaming hindi nagpansinan. Pag nagkakasalubong kami sa hallway ng school, nag-iiwasan kami ng tingin. Syempre, iyak na naman ako tuwing mangyayari yun. Hanggang isang umaga, habang papunta ako hospital duty ko, bigla syang nagtxt. Nanghihingi ng Evidence-Based Nursing papers. Eh grabe lang, malapit na mag-6am nun. May duty din sya ng 6am at halos 2 hours byahe sa hospital na naka-assign sya. Sabi ko, gumagawa lang toh ng paraan para magkabati kami. Ayun, successful naman sya kasi nagbati kami. Nagka-txt na ulit kami. Nagkita ulit kami nung enrollment. Nilibre pa nya ako kasi katatapos lang ng birthday nya. Pinahiram ko pa sa kanya yung libro na “Beastly” ni Alex Flinn. Sabi ko para sya yung bidang lalake. Feeling ko naman ako yung bidang babae. Nagkwentuhan kami ng kung ano ano hanggang mapunta kami sa gusto nyang kaklase nya. Balak na raw nyang ligawan at ako lang daw mahihingan nya ng advice. Ako naman, kahit nasasaktan, pinayuhan sya kahit labag sa loob ko mga sinasabi ko sa kanya. Eh syempre, matalik kaming magkaibigan eh. Gusto ko na nga umiyak sa harap nya kasi kitang kita ko sa mga mata nya na gusto nya talaga yung babae. Saka anong laban ko dun sa babae? Hello, model kaya yun. Maganda talaga. Eh nung araw na yun, na-ospital yung babae dahil may dengue. Sabi nya magkita na lang daw ulit kami nung ganing yun pagkatapos nyang bisitahin yung babae. Selos naman ako. Tapos nung gabi, as usual nag-back-out sya kasi nandun pa sya sa ospital. Sobrang selos ko noon at nainis ako ng sobra dun sa babae. Pero ngayon hindi na ako naiinis ah. Syempre umiyak ako. Pero sabi ko sa kanya, kung mahal mo talaga yung babaeng yun, sige ligawan mo. Mukhang mabait naman at basta wag lang nyang lolokohin yung babae at mahalin nya ng sobra. Oh di ba, wagas ang pagiging martir ko. Nag-christmas party kami ng mga kaklase ko. Pinili ko magpakalasing kasi gusto ko ilabas lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ayun, nalasing nga ako. Iyak ng iyak ako. Ang sinasabi ko lang “Mahal na mahal ko si Kier*. Sya lang wala ng iba. Wala akong pakealam sa ibang lalake.”. Pa-ulit ulti yun habang umiiyak ako. Natatandaan ko pa, sinabi ko ” ano bang mali sa akin at hindi nya makita na mahal na mahal ko sya? Bakit puro si E**** na lang?” Ang wasted ko talaga nung gabing yun buti na lang inalagaan ako nung isa kong kaklaseng lalake. Nagkita ulit kami ni Kier* ng January. Tanggap ko naman na yung babaeng gusto nya kaya yun agad tinanong ko sa kanya. Sabi kumusta na sila ni E****. Kung nag-level up na sila.sabi nya may iba na raw syang gusto. Yung isa raw nilang kaklase. At di pa raw alam sa classroom nila dahil ang alam nila nililigawan nya yung isa. Tinanong ko kung mahal nya tong bagong babae, sabi nya di raw pero may mas pag-asa raw sya dito. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, “Eh kung ako na lang ligawan mo. Matagal ka ng may pag-asa sa akin.” Pero syempre di ko pwedeng sabihin yun kasi may rule kami na walang talo talo sa kaibigan. Iyak na naman ako. Napaka-iyakin ko talaga eh. Ilang araw lang, nalaman ko silang dalawa na. Ang bilis di ba? Tapos nung Valentine’s Day, ang gusto pa ni Kier*, ako bumili ng bulaklak sa girlfriend nya. ayos di ba? Alam kong martir ako pero di naman ako tanga para bumili ng bulaklak para dun noh. Bwisit! Di ako pumayag. Dumaan mga araw, pinilit kong kalimuta sya. Binaling ko yung tingin ko sa ibang tao. Madami akong nagustohang lalake pero hanggang gusto at crush lang talaga. Di ko talaga magawang kalimutan si Kier*. Nagkita ulit kami, sabi nya, bago matapos ang taon dapat mag-boyfriend na raw ako kung hindi, ililibre ko daw sya. Eh paano kaya ako magkaka-BF, eh sya gusto ko na malas ko lang may GF naman sya. Nung graduation pareho kaming schedule. Sinulit ko na yung araw na yun at hindi na ako umalis sa tabi nya. At pagkatapos ng graduation ceremony, ngayakap kami ng sobrang higpit. Yung parang wala ng bukas. Iiyak na nga sana ako kaya lang pinigilan ko. Yun na yung huli namin pagkikita. Nakaka-usap pa rin kami sa txt paminsan-minsan. Med student sya ngayon. Sila pa rin ng GF nya. Ako naman, eto, wala pa ring BF at mahal pa rin sya. Nag-aantay sa kanya. Malay mo balang araw maging kami din di ba? O kaya naman, makakita ako ng taong mamahalin ako ng tulad ng pagmamahal ko kay Kier*.


Oh ayan, tapos na ang kwentong pag-ibig ko. Kayo ano naman ang kwentong pag-ibig nyo?

***Si Kier* at si Patrick* na bestfriend ko at nabanggit ko sa ibang blog post ko ay iisa. 🙂

Pag-ibig Nga Naman (Part 1)

23 Nov

Isa sa mga pinakamasarap na pakiramdam ay ang umibig. Lalo na kung ang taong iniibig mo ay may pagtingin din sa’yo. Pero ano nga ba ang pag-ibig? Ano kayang gawin nito sa taong nakararamdam nito? Marahil halos naman lahat sa atin ay naranasan ng umibig, tama ba? Naisipan kong magsulat ng tungkol sa paksang pag-ibig gamit ang wikang unang ko sinambit nung ako’y bata pa, sa wikang alam kong mas masasabi ko ang nasa isip at puso ko.

Ako’y dalawampung taong gulang na ngunit di pa ko pa nararanasan magkaroon ng boyfriend . Minsan iniisip ko, ganun na ba talaga ako kapanget at parang walang nagkakagusto sa akin. Syempre, hindi lang naman ang ganda ng isang tao ang basehan upang magustuhan mo sya. Minsan gusto mo sya dahil mabait sya, matalino o kaya naman minsan sadyang nade-develop ka lang. Dalawang (2) beses ko na nasubukan umibig. Yun nga lang dalawang beses din ako nasaktan. Gusto ko ikwento sa inyo yung dalawang beses na nagkaroon ako ng “one-sided love story“.

Ang unang lalake na minahal ko ay nakilala ko noon 1st sem, 2nd year college ako. Kaklase ko sya noon. Hindi ko sya masyado napapansin noon dahil mayroon akong crush na basketball player sa Unibersidad namin. Nung panahon na yun, yung isa sa mga pinakamatalik kong kaibigan sa klase namin ay may gusto sa kanya. Lagi nya sa akin kinukwento yung lalake na yun hanggang sa tumagal, unti unti ko na syang napapansin at nagka-gusto na rin ako sa lalake na yun. Pinilit kong wag magkagusto sa kanya dahil alam kong magagalit ang kaibigan ko. Pero di mo naman mapipigil ang puso di ba? Lalo mo itong pinipigilan, lalo itong nagiging pasaway. Natatandaan ko noon, buwan ng Septyembre, inamin ko sa kaibigan ko na may gusto na ako sa lalake na gusto rin nya. Nagalit sya sa akin. Sinabihan nya akong traydor. Ako naman iyaking bata, iyak ng iyak kasi nagka-away kami pero syempre natanggap din nya at nagparaya na lang sya sa nararamdaman ko. Dumating ang Oktubre at naging close na kami nung taong gusto ko. Hindi ko na matandaan kung paano pero bigla na lang kami naging constant txtmates. Halos araw araw magka-txt kami. Pagkagising, bago matulog. Napupuyat ako dahil lang sa kanya. At nung kaarawan ko, hindi sya nakasama pero nagpadala naman sya ng cake. Kilig na kilig ako nun pero ayaw ko ipahalata sa iba kong kaibigan dahil nahihiya ako saka hindi pa nila alam na may gusto ako dun. Wala rin nakakaalam na madalas na kami magka-txt. Dumating ang 2nd sem, naging kaklase ko ulit sya. Di na kami masyado nagkaka-usap nung kaibigan ko na dating may gusto sa kanya dahil lagi na lang sya nagagalit sa akin. Kaya noon, iba na ang nakakasama ko. Lalo kami naging close nung taong gusto ko. Sinabi ko rin sa kanya na may mahal ako pero di masabi sa taong ito. Binigyan nya ako ng mga payo pero di nya alam sya yung lalake na yun. Dumating ang araw na hindi ko na mapigilan sarili ko. Ayun, sinabi ko na sa kanya na sya yung mahal ko. Akala ko iiwasan nya ako pero sobrang bait ng taong ito at mas madalas pa nya ako kinakausap nung magtapat ako sa kanya. Tinutulungan pa nya ako sa mga school papers para sa community namin. Yun nga lang, may nagyari nung huling buwan ng taon, nag-break yung isa kong kaibigan at yung boyfriend nya. Matagal ko ng pansin na yung kaibigan ko na ito at yung taong gusto eh may pagtingin sa isa’t-isa. Tama nga ang kutob ko, naging shoulder to cry on ni babae si lalake. Eh ako naman, iyak na iyak din. Kasi alam kong wala na akong pag-asa. Halos araw-araw umiiyak ako. May marinig lang akong nakakaiyak na kanta, iiyak na ako. Pag tinanong lang ako ng mga kaibigan ko kung mahal ko ba talaga sya, tutulo na lang bigla luha ko. Pag nakikita ko silang magkasama, natutulala na lang ako hanggang sa tumulo luha ko. Walang araw at gabi na hindi ako umiiyak. Nagkaroon ako ng depression noon. Di ako makakain, makatulog, makapag-aral ng maayos. Dun ko nasabi sa sarili ko, “ganito pala magmahal, sobrang sakit.” Halos di na rin ako pumapasok sa mga klase ko noon at kung pumasok man ako, late naman. Umuwi din ako sa probinsya namin dahil di ko na talaga kayang pumasok pa. Ang sakit sakit kasi na makita silang magkasama at sobrang naging bitter ako sa kanila. Nag-alala na yung mga kaibigan ko sa akin. Tinatawagan na nila ako. Pero syempre pumasok pa din ako. Yun nga lang, laging maga ang mata ko. Binalak ko din magpakamatay noon. Kasi talagang ang saki sakit sakit sakit. To the nth level talaga yung sakit. Wagas eh. Buti na lang di ko tinuloy. Naalala ko pa, kinausap ako ng tita ng bestfriend ko noon kasi nakita nya kung paano ako umiyak. Naging sila nung January. Akala nila okay na ako noon pero syempre hindi. Di na rin kami nag-usap ng kaibigan ko at nung lalake kasi syempre di naman ako ganun ka-tanga para kausapin pa sila. Lumayo din ako sa barkada ko kasi nasa isang barkada lang kami. Dumaan ang madami pang buwan pero di na natapos issue sa amin tatlo. Naka-away ko pa si lalake. Pero habang tumatagal, umaayos naman. Naging okay na ulit lahat. Kahit na inabot din ng halos isang taon bago ako naka-move-on. Ilang beses din pala ako naglasing dahil sa lalakeng ito. Pag-ibig nga naman noh? Sa ngayon, pag naalala ko yun mga panahon na nagbali-baliwan ako sa lalake na ito, natatawa na lang ako. Siguro ganun talaga pag first love at first heartache. Hanggang ngayon, sila pa din nung kaibigan ko at masaya ako para sa kanila. 🙂